for John

[notsocommon]

Helen wasn't exactly the sort of person to avoid someone for a length of time except, well, when it came to John Druitt. He was the exception to most of her rules and since the disappearance of Joan last month (or not-disappearance, as it turned out) Helen had kept her distance. Feeling for even a moment that John might have betrayed her was too much to think about and having gotten so close to him again, it hurt to think he'd still hunt and kill women the way he had when they were younger.

It had made things strained with Will, too, and Helen obviously had more of an investment in preserving her relationship with her husband over rekindling a friendship with her ex and that had taken time. She had come to the labs to see Nikola, catch him for a chat and a cup of tea, but seeing John arrested her in her tracks.

"Ah, right. I should have known you'd make your way down here eventually. Have you seen Nikola?"

Damn, but this was awkward. Helen hated being anything but poised and perfect and, worse, she knew John would more than likely pick up on her discomfort. He knew her far too well.

Comments

[iliketodruitt]

John had already started to rise when she caught his wrist, freezing him mid-stand. She was upset, but he had a feeling that she was more upset with herself and with him.

"I would have never expected you to be a Victorian wife," he said. "Had I wanted that, I would have married anyone else in the world. I never wanted to hold you back. You have never been anything less than extraordinary and all I wanted was a chance to share in that with a family. This is hard enough for me, please don't ask me to sit here while you explain how the one thing I wanted more than any other is something you consider a waste and are grateful never happened."

[notsocommon]

"Just go, John," Helen said, releasing his wrist. "Clearly being your friend is an impossible task if you insist on living in the past. I've moved on and I'm through with you in any sense other than as a dear friend. That's it."

She worked her lower lip lightly between her teeth. "But the greatest adventure of my long life was Ashley, just so you know, and I couldn't have done that without your contribution. I'm sorry you never had the chance to be a father to her."

[iliketodruitt]

"I'm sorry if I've ever given you the impression that I want more from you now than friendship. But I don't believe that being hurt that you would consider having had a family with me not amounting to anything."

John struggled to keep the anger and hurt out of his voice. Hearing her say that was more than he could take. John had imagined that if his possession hadn't happened, he could have made her happy, could have given her everything she wanted. Now he was finding she didn't really feel the same.

"I'm glad you've found happiness though, I am. Take care, Helen."