notsocommon | for Will

Helen had taken a day to process everything she'd seen before going to talk to Will about it. She felt like she'd been neglecting Gregory somewhat in the process, so she took a day off from clinic work and her classes and just about everything to take care of her son. He seemed grateful enough for the attention, so much as a small baby could, and since Will wasn't around, she took her time giving him a bath and singing to him.

She had a terrible singing voice, true, but her father had always sung her little lullabies growing up and Helen wanted to pass that along to Gregory. She always wanted him to associate his Mummy with someone safe and kind. She always wanted him to know that being in her arms meant that nothing could ever harm him or frighten him.

"I'm sorry I've not been around, little one. Mummy's just had so many things to think about this week. It's nothing to do with you, I promise."

Maybe she could get him soothed and down for a nap before Will came in and then they could talk.

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Will's still too furious at Druitt to explain that he, Will, was not manipulating her, and would never manipulate her. Especially not like that. "You know, those people aren't us," he says. "Maybe they used to be, could have been, but they aren't now. Our lives are different than that now and if we're--we've had different experiences than those other versions of us. They're not us."

"Do you think this place is a hallucination? Did you see the one where we hallucinated that whole life?"

Helen didn't want to believe that her happiness on the island, that her marriage to Will and her son were the result of some carefully-applied neurochemicals. And yet...

Will tries to remember the episodes he's seen, but he can't remember anything like what she's describing. "No," he says. I don't think I saw that one... but I don't think this is a hallucination." He can't say why he's sure of that, but he is. "I mean... if anything, that, the whole TV show thing, that is the fiction and this, the island, is the reality." He refuses to believe otherwise.

"Perhaps. I don't know my why hallucinated world would include childbirth without pain medication," Helen said, laughing lightly. "Or include John and not Ashley. So perhaps this is the real one after all."

It still bothered her, not knowing the truth, but she guessed she ought not dwell.

"He was going to chance the whole--just go back and change things to they could be like he wants them." Will's still stuck on the monumental arrogance of John Druitt. The man's not even here anymore and he's still causing problems. Will wonders if he came here before or after he decided to rewrite history--not that it matters, but still, if Will ever sees him again he's going to punch him in his stupid face. "Sorry. I just can't get past that. I'm not surprised, though."

"He loves me, remember? He is so absolutely misguided by what he thinks he feels for me that he'd destroy everything I love and destroy who I am in order to have it," Helen said, disgust lacing her voice.

"If he were here still, I'd be hard-pressed not to hit him."

Will mutters a few things under his breath about what exactly he'd be hard-pressed not to do in that situation. "It didn't work, though, did it? There's that, at least."

"No, it didn't work," Helen assured him. "Apparently my response to all this was to skulk around for over a century and lie to everyone I know about everything. Oh, and to blow up my own house and go underground."

It all seemed patently ridiculous when spelled out like that and Helen wondered why, exactly, anyone would think she'd act that way.

"That part I saw," Will says. He didn't see any more after that--what if there isn't anymore? what happens if your tv-show "life" gets canceled? "And I didn't really like it, you know, but it made sense. I'm not really sure what else could have been done."

"Perhaps not," Helen said, unsure of what really to say. Taking a look at that version of herself and comparing it to who she was on the island, Helen didn't particularly like it. She'd never been very good at seeing fault in herself and being forced to examine it now was not an entirely pleasant experience. She touched his shoulder lightly, just the barest brush of her fingers, and tugged her hand away.

Will shifts on the step and turns toward her, reaching up to take her hand as she pulls away. "Either way, that's not you. Or me." He's not so sure he would have let Magnus push him away like that and he's also not sure about some of the other things he saw. "That's not us."

"No, it isn't," Helen agreed. She squeezed his hand lightly, hoping that this helped smooth over the last of their hurt feelings. She and Will didn't fight terribly often and Helen was glad of it. While her relationships with Nikola and John had always been fraught with argument and fun, in some ways, she had never particularly cared for how raw and empty she felt after fighting with Will.

"I should go check on him. It's been a while."

Will squeezes her hand, too. "I'll come with you," he says, and stands, but doesn't let go of her hand. He hasn't seen the little guy all day and just wants a peek.

"I am aware, now, that the timing of our son's conception aligns with when you found those reels," Helen said evenly. She didn't want to fight any longer but it would just consume her if she didn't discuss it.

"I know that it was an accident but I'm grateful that it happened. I love him and you very much."

"It was an accident that was totally my fault," Will says, and he hopes she realizes that they caused him enough upset--enough that he wasn't thinking straight--and that he didn't want Magnus to have to go through the same thing. "But it doesn't make me love him any less."

"Of course it doesn't," Helen said, scoffing at even the suggestion that he might.

Gregory was still quiet but had opened his eyes to look around a bit. Helen knew if she left him in the crib he would likely fall back asleep but she was torn between holding her son and letting him be for a little while.

"I think he'll go back to sleep if we leave him be but I sort of want to lay down with him myself. I haven't spent much time with him this week."

"Then we should do that," Will murmurs. He doesn't feel like things are resolved between them but they're not actively fighting and he wants to make a little peace, even if it's temporary. Greg's eyes are drooping again but Will thinks if they're careful, they can all settle on the bed together and Greg can go back to sleep.

for Will

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