notsocommon | for Phedre

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for Phedre

It took a few days and some finagling of schedules but Helen finally managed to arrange for an afternoon where Will could watch the baby and she would have plenty of time to get a massage. It had been an excessively long time since she'd had one, aside from Will occasionally rubbing her neck or shoulders, and she thought it might do her some real good so far as tension release.

Phedre was excessively attractive, true, but Helen felt like the offer was made only to help a friend with a skill that she possessed and not so much the way that perhaps some of Helen's more lurid thoughts might run. It made her nervous, but only a bit, and she imagined once she was actually getting a massage some of that might melt away.

She'd decided to meet Phedre up at the compound, unsure of where the best place would be and this being a central location.

"Afternoon, Phedre. Ready to put me to sleep? Or at least relax me enough that I sleep tonight?"

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"I certainly hope so, come, I've set up nearby." Like with Marie, I'd spent a few days preparing a small hut for this. It was only a few steps away from the Compound, freshly cleaned, scented and I'd borrowed a number of things that I would need. I'd hung sheets to diffuse the sunlight coming from the windows, and lit a few candles to add warmth to the light.

"It won't take us long to get there."

"I'll have to find some way to repay you," Helen said, walking with her to the place she'd prepared for this.

"Lessons or something. You can pick my brain all you like about any number of subjects and I'll be happy to teach you. It's the least I can do."

"I am certain we will come to some agreement, Helen, and really, these are skills I get to use so rarely, it's as fun for me as I hope it will be for you." I missed it terribly sometimes, the pampering and pagentry, of having servants to assist me and care for me. Of a surety, there are parties and special events here that require preparation, but nothing like my home. Even the fete I threw on the Longest Night paled in comparison to what I expected from my home.

"Well, I appreciate it. Things are...I am very happy, don't get me wrong, but things are tense in the household with a newborn even if all parties are content. I am glad to get away for a little while."

Only a little while, though, because Helen was sure she'd be itching to get back to Gregory after a few hours. "Will was good enough to keep him for me. I'll have to send him over for a massage afterward."

"I won't turn him away, if you think he'd like it." I opened the door to the hut I'd outfitted and held it for Helen, allowing my eyes to adjust to the lower light inside. I took a breath and was happy that the scents I'd used had filled the small hut.

"Come, make yourself comfortable."

Even just the scent was enough to make Helen feel more relaxed and she breathed in deeply for a moment before getting undressed. This sort of nudity had never made her particularly self conscious as she'd always been fond of massages back home but it was a little different since it'd been a long time since anyone had seen her naked outside of the context of her bedroom or in the medical sense. She supposed this was more the latter, her own schoolgirl crush aside.

"Do you miss it, Phedre? What you were back in Terre d'Ange?"

I turned my back as Helen disrobed, out of respect as much as necessity for I had to retrieve my oils. Helen's question made me pause as I considered my answer. "Sometimes, yes. I miss my status and the friends I had there, my consort, my queen. But do I miss being a Servant of Naamah, that's a more complicated answer."

I motioned to the table I had draped with some cushions and a sheet to Helen's comfort. She could position herself however she wanted to start. "There is a man here who can satisfy my urges as an anguissette. I have Greg, and... I've had other lovers on the island." I would not mention John to Helen, not now, that conversation might need to happen but now was not that time. "I am not lacking in that regard, but I feel disconnected sometimes, from my god, from my people. I miss that aspect of it."

"I wish there was a way for you to have your consort. I was very lucky in that regard, as this island seems fit to send me everyone I've slept with at one point or another," Helen said, settling on the table with her back turned up to Phedre.

"I'm sure that Greg cares for you, though, no matter how much he might want to couch it in contempt. And I certainly care for you. You're very loved, Phedre."

"I know he does, and it is not as if I do not feel loved I just feel... homesick I believe is the term. A little moreso than usual." I poured the lavender and rose-scented oil into my hand to warm it before I spread it over her back. As I did so, I started to feel for knots that I would work out later. "I am certain it will pass."

"Homesickness is something I've often felt throughout my life. I've been alive entirely too long," Helen said softly, letting out a low sigh at Phedre's touch. It was so wonderful just to have a moment to herself for a little while and not have questions or a crying baby to tend to.

"If I fall asleep, please don't think me rude. I'm just more weary and stressed than I ever thought possible."

"I won't, this day is for you to relax, if you need a nap, do not allow me to keep you awake. Speak as you like, or remain silent." My hands stroked the long lines of her back and once the oil was distributed, I began to work on the tightest of her muscles. "And tell me if I bruise you any."

Her shoulders and neck were the worst, and so I began there, easing each knot individually.

"I won't mind bruises if it works out the worst of it," Helen said, sighing a bit and letting her thoughts drift away. "I've been carrying so much stress trying to balance a baby with a marriage and some semblance of a career. I think I just try to do too much."

Helen had wanted the baby more than Will had, originally, and still felt an obligation to do the bulk of the care.

"Perhaps you should consider having someone on the island assist you. There's no shame in it, especially for a woman who gives so much of herself to others as you do." I doubted any child or caring husband would begrudge her some time to herself. As much as Ysandre adored her daughters, she still had a kingdom to run and none seemed the poorer for having others care for the child. "Perhaps someone who could work for you, assist you, at home if you do not like the possibility of making use of the Children's Office more often."

"There is that. Will seems to love caring for him," Helen said, letting out a long sigh when Phedre worked a particularly tight spot. "I just feel guilty if I let others do the work for me. I always have and not just where children are concerned."

Helen took in a deep breath and let it out, letting some of the tension ebb. "Is this something you did often back home, then?"

"Not really, my patrons do not expect it, they have other things in mind." Comfort was never their specialty, not until after. Some might offer such things at the end of an evening's entertainment, assuming my back wasn't too raw, and I would take them up on it, but in truth, this was something I did mostly here. "Occasionally for Joscelin if he'd worked too hard and strained a muscle. I've had others do this for me, my servants, or experts that I would engage should I want a more professional treatment. But I like it, giving this pleasure to others."

"Oh," Helen said softly, slightly embarrassed by that. She supposed she shouldn't have been, considering she knew exactly what Phedre was and had no problem with it whatsoever but talking about it while Helen was in a vulnerable place did embarrass her just a bit.

"Will does for me sometimes. John...well, he's John, depended on which version of him I had at any given moment."

"Was he really so terrible, Helen?" I wasn't sure I had the right to ask, as John and I had never really consummated what we discussed, but he had been my friend. And he had tried.

My hands worked down to Helen's lower back, finding the smaller knots from carrying her child, from bending over patients and files.

"Not the version that you knew here, Phedre. Please try to remember that John as a sane man was quite different from the murderer and rapist that terrorized London when we were younger. I loved him dearly but sometimes love isn't enough. And sometimes love can be twisted."

Helen sighed, even more tense and embarrassed about this. This wasn't even something she really talked much to Will about, much less other people. "The John that was here was, in some ways, the John I fell in love with long ago. The only difference was that he knew his crimes and had to carry the guilt of them and my John from before hadn't done anything wrong."

Resting my hand on her shoulder I gave it a slight squeeze when I felt the tension. It was the opposite of what I'd intended and I felt ill over it. "Please, don't feel like you have anything to explain, you owe me nothing. I simply wondered how much of the man I knew you had experience with."

I knew, better than most, how a person might change for good and for ill. And John had never attempted to deceive me, that much I was certain of. "Don't let the memories cause you pain or stress, it was not what I meant this day to do. Tell me about little Gregory instead, has he been a happy baby?"

"He's been perfect," Helen said warmly, a smile coming into her voice just at the mention of him.

"He's actually well behaved, even if he has his moments of crankiness like any small child. I think he must have his father's temperament, since I've never been accused of being patient about anything."

"Well, I'm certain as he gets older he will make you regret those words. Young boys can be quite... opinionated. Imriel once paid a boy from the street to wear his cloak on a departing vessel so that he might hide himself and stow away with me and my party. I didn't know whether to be vexed or proud of the child for his forethought in arranging a decoy." Ah, Imriel, the child of my heart, I would never forget the stubborn look on his face as Joscelin and I tried to determine what we should do about his deception. I could only pray that the price I would face would not be too steep.

"He'll be a kind boy, I think. My daughter was entirely too much like John even if she'd never met him growing up," Helen explained, laughing with the memory.

"I swear to you, if John Druitt could be cloned in female form, it would have been Ashley Magnus through and through."

"She sounds like a lovely young woman. I wish to have known her, I think."

Helen had no way of knowing that those words meant something entirely different to me and did not enlighten her at that time. But the affection and exasperation of a mother's love shone through and it made me glad to know that she had been so blessed to have known her daughter. Not all mothers were as lucky I reminded myself, for the moment feeling a twinge of regret that Melisande's actions had forever severed her from her child.

I worked my way down Helen's body, pulling a stool over with my leg so that I may sit while I worked on her feet. "You are not ticklish, are you?"

"Goodness, no. Will is, so it's lucky you're massaging me and not him," Helen said, flexing her feet slightly in anticipation. It had been so long since she'd had a head to toe massage by someone so skilled that she was savoring it for all it was worth.

"My feet don't hurt nearly as much on the island as they did back home, seeing as how I never wear heels any longer."

Pouring a little more oil into my palm, I began to work her feet, oiling them both before I started to press my thumbs into the arch of her foot. She was glad that she didn't have to worry about any twitches or jerks as she worked. "You have beautiful feet, strong, but well-formed." A simple truth, I rarely gave compliments about beauty, spoiled as I was for my d'Angeline upbringing. It was difficult to compete to the beauty of my people.

"I do believe you may be the first person ever, man or woman, to tell me that I have lovely feet. Thank you, Phedre," Helen said, laughing lightly. It pleased her to receive compliments and always had, even if this one was a little different than most she'd gotten.

"I am known as a beautiful woman back home and have always been considered such. I'm afraid I can't hold a candle to you or your brother, though. We'll never see Nikola with anyone else again."

"Beauty isn't everything, Helen, and there are many things to be attracted to in people. Loyalty, leadership, kindness, intelligence." My brother had all those things and more, but sometimes I knew even that wouldn't be enough. I did not, even then, presume to know Nikola Tesla well, but I knew his type. He may remain fanatically loyal to my brother and yes still seek affection elsewhere. Some just needed to live with no restrictions, even if those restrictions are self-imposed.

"I love my consort with all my heart and soul, but still take patrons a few times a year to satisfy other needs. Joscelin knows this and while I know it causes him some pain, he would rather see me completely satisfied than living a hollow life with him."

"I'm quite a bit different. I do have desires outside of Will, certainly, but I feel that part of making the marriage work is overcoming that and finding what I want with him. There is a cultural difference, though, and while I am what we refer to in my world as bisexual, Will is not. I can't ask him to understand being attracted to both genders. Not that he minds that I am, he certainly doesn't, he doesn't feel the same way."

Still, what Phedre said about her consort was a kind thing, especially since the feeling she'd gotten was that he had not been similar to she and her brother so far as religious beliefs.

"I love him very much. It just doesn't tamp down my desire to be with a woman upon occasion."

"We say that Elua bids us to love as we will and not to deny it. But I can understand, even if I don't necessarily agree." I passed from one foot to the other, knowing that there were myriad religions and beliefs here on the island. I did not wish to tread on any, as strange as they might be to me. "Joscelin and I were parted once, he thought me dead and I wondered much the same. When we were finally reunited... the old disagreements did not seem to matter as much. I sometimes wish I could have been made different, less challenging to his faith, he's already broken so many oaths to be with me, but we've long since learned that we were made as we were and we make that work. I suppose we just go about it differently than you and your Will do."

Still I could not help but to tease a little, "However, should your Will become more accommodating, I would not dissuade you from spending an evening with me on occasion."

"If he were to be all right with it, you wouldn't have to ask me twice. I have always had a weakness for French brunettes. D'Angeline isn't so terribly different in that regard."

Helen whimpered a bit as she worked out a particularly-tight spot. "Though I can't be a domme for you. I prefer submission if I play that way at all. It's...complicated."

"I would not ask you to, I find sex perfectly enjoyable without such games and would never ask a partner to do something she was uncomfortable with. And you need make no apologies for it, we are as we are made." I moved a bit slower, easing loose the knot that had caused Helen pain. As I did so, I thought of Marie and the times we'd shared together. Enjoyable, without a doubt and needed for both our sakes at the time.

"We are. Anyone who gets to count you as a lover must be very lucky indeed. You're beautiful and have one of the quickest minds I've ever encountered. I am very blessed to have such a friend," Helen said, voice soft both from the emotions she felt and the feel of Phedre's very talented hands.

"I wish I could see your home someday. I couldn't imagine a whole country of people like you."

"I wish more could seem my home. Especially now as the weather turns to the summer. We often spent summers at my estate in Montreve, among the hills. Joscelin loves it, the Siovale region is where he was born and where he lived until he was fostered with the Casseline's at the age of ten. We often see his family when we are there." I missed it so, but tried to keep the wistfulness from my voice. I would see it again, I was certain, although I felt the road would be terribly long before I did.

"That sounds beautiful," Helen said dreamily, trying to imagine what Phedre's estate looked like and the peace one must be able to find there. "I have a villa in Italy," she explained, unable to keep from smiling at the thought.

"I don't know what you would call that country in your home. It's to the east of France and a bit south in mine."

"Hm." I thought for a moment before answering. I knew that I had researched this when I arrived, but it took a moment before I made the connection. "Yes, they're part of a confederation, the Caerdicca Unitas. There have marvelous universities, my foster-father, he studied there and I myself has spent some time in one of their cities. They are our allies." In no thanks to Melisande's plans and machinations. I sometimes wonder, how I managed to survive it all, and in doing so, stop so many terrible things from happening. I know that I am touched by the gods, but I wonder if perhaps they would give me respite after I return home. As much as I'd like, I cannot go galavanting around the entire world for much longer.

"I think, if your Italy is anything like the Unitas, your villa must be quite pleasant to visit."

"Oh it's wonderful. I just never get the opportunity to go. My job is so much more stressful back home than it is here on the island and I only take a holiday once every seven years," Helen explained.

"And even then, only for a few days. The work doesn't stop solely because I'm not there and while Will is capable, he can't handle everything."

"Blessed Elua, Helen, you need to take some time for yourself." I knew that she was long-lived in her home lands, but that was no excuse to refuse time for relaxation. Was it any wonder that the woman was tense and in need of relaxation.

"I am tempted to exercise my authority as a student of medicine and assign you relaxation on a regular schedule."

"Something you and Will can probably agree on," Helen said, amused at the prospect. Still, it was worth looking into, especially since the island was inherently less busy than her life back home had been.

"I just have trouble letting go sometimes."

"I can certainly understand, but I would repeat that there is nothing in this place worth losing your health over." After all, I was certain there would come a time when they would all have to work, and most diligently, as some wrong on the island had to be righted. The holiday, Halloween, had taught me that while we lived in a paradise, we were still subject to its whims.

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